Strong Marriage, Stronger Kids
How’s Your Marriage?
Every marriage goes through seasons. Is yours marked by joy, connection, and growth, or has distance begun to take its place? Without judgment, pause for a moment and reflect on your current reality and the future you desire together.
Think back to the day you took your vows. Your hair and dress were perfect – your groom gazed at you with such deep love in his eyes that it may have taken your breath away as you walked down the aisle. That day held promise and hope, with beautiful dreams for sunset walks and starlit nights.
After the excitement of those wildly romantic days, weeks, or months, everyday life started to make its appearance. Nothing was wrong. Things were simply becoming more real.
Bills came due, somebody had to make dinner, and underwear and socks were strewn about the apartment. You scurried past laundry piled on the couch, hoping to reach the bathroom in time. Morning sickness.
One, two, or maybe five babies later, your relationship with your husband may have started to feel a bit strained. Lugging a big diaper bag everywhere, you may have had only vague memories of what it felt like to wear makeup, or a dress and heels. For most of us during this stage, the bar was set pretty low. We were satisfied if we could find a clean T-shirt without spit-up on the shoulder and a ponytail holder for the messy bun. Your husband was busy and distracted, and you were bone tired.
Strong Marriage, Blessed Kids
When I asked above how your marriage is doing, don’t be ashamed if you’ve hit a dry spot or worse. In the busyness of parenthood, careers, and survival mode, thoughts of a romantic dinner or strolls in the moonlight are far away, as the thumping chaos of home life takes center stage.
It’s a challenge. We’re all mamas here. Keeping your marriage strong is beneficial for both of you and gives your kids the edge in life. These are a few of the benefits for kids raised in a home with a healthy marriage:
Kids do better in school
They are healthier and live longer
They are less likely to drink or abuse drugs
Kids and teens have less mental illness, with a lowered risk for suicide
Boys are less likely to engage in criminal activity
They are less likely to become sexually active
They are more likely to have successful marriages
As mothers, we work tirelessly to give our children everything we can. We teach and train, rush to soccer practice or ballet. Then there are the sleepless nights when one of our little ones is ill. We will do anything for them, right?
One of the absolute best gifts you can give them is treating your marriage as the priority it must be. Your marriage is worth the effort. Tending to and working to improve your relationship as a couple is great for your kids, but let’s face it, it’s something that will make your life better in so many ways.
Most of our marriages have seen times of crisis, with pain, illness, addiction, or disagreements. At the same time, for some, it’s a long-term relational drift that takes a toll on the relationship. Even if there’s no deep conflict, when a couple becomes disconnected, it can be hard to find a way back.
If any of those resonate, we want you to know that there is still hope. It will take both of you, and some uncomfortable conversations, perhaps, to break the ice if you’ve become distant. Then, the decision is to make some changes as a couple. When you think the options are either to live in misery or divorce, we contend that there is a third option. Take Action.
Make Your Marriage Great Again
Here are a few ideas that are worth exploring:
Keep Your Marriage in First Place
It comes second only to your relationship with God, of course. The kids, the extended family, and others must understand that nobody comes between the two of you. You are a team.
Communicate and Listen Well
Make time to be face-to-face. Don’t scroll or multitask; instead, make sure your focus is on your spouse. Look into his eyes and truly listen. In the heat of parenthood, you may be pressed to find a few minutes to connect in this way. Look for this time and guard it.
Say the Thing
If couples are disconnected, one spouse or the other may become hesitant to bring up something that needs attention. You may have to find a quiet moment, but communicate. Leaving things unsaid can lead to stress, frustration, and increased distance.
Apologize and Forgive
It’s easy, as a married couple, to inadvertently remove “I’m sorry” from your vocabulary. If you did something that hurt or offended your spouse, big or small, offer a sincere apology (without excuses). It’s simple, but powerful. Also, forgive your spouse from the heart and try not to keep mental records of past wrongs. Ask God to help.
Find Financial Peace
Budget, strategize, and build your money life together. Since financial concerns are a significant element of many divorces, plan to avoid debt and work together to ensure all the bases are covered for the family and future goals. It’s a two-person job to build a strong financial foundation, so don’t avoid money conversations.
Date Each Other
If you’re no longer dating your spouse, start thinking of how to bring that back into your life. My husband and I had three little girls, and we swapped babysitting with friends from church who had three small sons. On Friday, we’d go out, and they’d have the girls over. On Saturday, it was their night, and the kids all gathered at our house for pizza and fun. Free babysitting and a truly inexpensive, but needed, time away together.
Pray & Worship Together
Keep faith central. Take it all to God as a couple: the burdens, concerns, and decisions that weigh on you. It may be sleepy prayers before collapsing in bed or praying by phone during your commute, but make it a priority. Attend a local church regularly as a family.
Dream Again
Marriage, parenting, careers, car repairs, health challenges, and the many madness-making details of family life can push out the aspirations that used to inspire you deep down inside. Take time, maybe on that date night, to dream again. Talk about what you hope for your future together. Things you’d like to do soon as a family or farther-flung ideas for when your kids have grown.
If Your Marriage Is Struggling
If you and your husband are having a hard time right now and the ideas above seem impossible, it’s time to seek outside help. Bring a Christian counselor or pastor into your hurting marriage to seek a way forward. In most cases, your marriage can be saved.
We would note that if abuse is present in your marriage, it must not be tolerated. Seek guidance immediately from a trained professional and ensure that you and your children are safe, whether by leaving and staying with a relative or seeking refuge in a women’s shelter.
Don’t Give Up
Don’t just survive your marriage; dare to hope that your relationship could be stronger – and even transformed. God can change hearts and lives in ways that seem impossible. If both of you are willing to take steps toward healing and building a new future together, the rewards can be far-reaching. A healthy, growing marriage can bring greater joy and stability to your family, while giving your children the security, strength, and foundation they need to thrive.
Podcast Note:
Warrior Women: Courageous Voices
What do steak, ivermectin, and even cigars have in common? Dr. Gina Loudon joins us to talk about the science, the stories, and the things you may not hear in mainstream media. Then, Bailey Templeton shares a deeply disturbing foster care experience and raises serious questions about what happens to vulnerable children in the system. Finally, internationally acclaimed singer Cristina Fontanelli joins us to share how music and the arts can bring healing, joy, and powerful benefits to children. Three remarkable women, three important conversations, and plenty for moms to take away.
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