Tips to Raise Girls Who are Strong, Courageous, and Kind
- May 21
- 8 min read
Girls are great. I may be a little biased because I raised three of them – still, girls are colorful, expressive, emotive, creative, caring, and fun-loving all in one unique package! The Bible says that God "formed a man from the dust," and the woman, according to the New American Standard Version, He "fashioned." I like that imagery. It is so descriptive of the beauty and mystery of women – and girls.
Parenting boys or girls has some new and prevalent challenges in this generation. They are digital natives growing up in a world with endless screens, instant information, and gratification, and artificial intelligence that puts a spin on everything they read or view. They will have peers who are being raised believing that gender is fluid and that families can have two moms – two dads – or, perhaps, an even stranger scenario, like the "throuple" in Canada raising a baby together. I'm speechless on that one.
Thankfully, your girls have you. You are the one who will make all the difference in their young lives from infancy to adulthood and everything in between. We also want to tip our hat to those raising girls who came from the foster care system into your home – and maybe your relationship began when they were 2, or 6, or 14. Moms are heroes, and you are pivotal to your daughter's future. That's why we are sharing a few tips for raising girls who are strong, courageous, and kind.
Tip # 1 - Believe in Your Girl
Little kids are messy. It's part of their charm. Teen girls can be even messier. That stage also has its high points, though. As her mom, you have a front-row seat as she grows toward womanhood, with all its accomplishments, missteps, and maybe even a little mayhem at times.
Still, knowing that you are confident about her potential can strengthen a girl's mental and emotional foundation, helping her recover from the many dramatic turns that can accompany middle school, high school, and beyond. Knowing that you are "Team Her" can help build much-needed resilience throughout her life.
Tip # 2 Cultivate Kindness
Catch your daughter doing good. Whether she is 3, 8, or 15, commending her for a kind or thoughtful act can help instill the value of good deeds and goodwill. Let her catch you doing the same. She may never mention that she saw you care for a neighbor or a sick friend – but she is seeing it all. She will recognize the goodness she was raised in. Through your actions and words, teach her to love her country, to love others, and to love and thank God in all things.
She listens too. Speak to her and others with kindness and compassion. Over time, she will understand and possibly mirror that as a result of your good example. Of course, it doesn't guarantee you'll never hear some insensitive or unkind things fly out of her mouth during her teen years. Remember, she is figuring things out, and your good example isn't negated by a little teen-boundary-pushing. Give her time, and you may find she becomes a wonderfully thoughtful and kind young woman.
Tip # 3 Don't Hate on the Hormones
Girls are gifted with a unique physical makeup. The special brew of hormones and brain chemistry contributes to the sparkle and twirl of little girls and cthe tenacity of female student athletes. As they grow into young adults, they gain the emotional strength to be the distinctive women they are becoming. This physical and chemical makeup is why men cannot become women. No matter what is chopped off or implanted, the chromosomes don't lie.
When the sometimes-prickly teenage years arrive, it can seem like the emotion, drama, and angst are almost too much. Don't forget you were once their age and you can do this, mamas. It may feel messy sometimes, but walk through it with your girls, holding them close through the friendship upheaval, the broken heart, and the deep emotions, knowing that on the other side, you'll find you both survived. And because you didn't give up on her, you may find that you are still close, long after the eye-rolling has ceased.
Tip # 4 Watch Your Words
There are two ways to go with words. Positive or negative. Are you a glass-half-empty mom – or someone who sees the bright side most of the time?
Whatever your natural tendency, remember that your words have incredible power in your child's life. If your daughter hears constant criticism at home, even if it's not directed at her, she might develop a negative attitude. If parents use foul language or openly discuss inappropriate topics, a child will pick up on those ideals and values.
Similarly, if there is a constant stream of negativity, expecting the worst, believing and talking about things never working out or getting better, the child will feel it. She may learn that life is all downside and miss out on hope and the chance to dream for the future.
On the other hand, if a mom expresses gratitude daily, calling out everyday blessings and the little things often overlooked, it can help a child form a foundational mindset of grace and thanks. Gratitude may also become a mighty weapon in her personal arsenal to help her weather the inevitable storms of life. Gratitude is possible in any and every situation and is much more powerful than some may realize.
Tip # 5 - Cultivate Courage Amid Failure
There will be bad days when she believes her world is crumbling. Show compassion, but don't deny your daughter's failures. They hold great potential. Sure, it genuinely hurts to fail at something, whether it's at school, in sports, or in any other area of life. It's tempting to try to save our girls from the "agony of defeat." But remember, failure is not the enemy – nor are her feelings. In fact, failure can be a catalyst for the courage needed to take risks and overcome life's challenges.
Forbes published an article, "Why Failure is Essential to Success." In it, William Arruda contends that "Failure is not a step backward; it's an excellent stepping stone to success. We never learn to move out of our comfort zone if we don't overcome our fear of failure." 1
American inventor Thomas Edison is known for inventing the incandescent light bulb. But do you know what came before? An impressive list of bombs like the electric pen, the talking doll, the home-projecting kinetoscope, and more than 2,000 attempts to dial in the lightbulb. That's a lot of failure – leading to world-changing results.
Our kids need something more valuable than participation trophies. They need the strength of heart to face a loss squarely – and then move on to the next thing.
Tip # 6 – Hold Her Close When Crisis Hits Home
Sometimes life brings more serious issues. It might be a season of grief following the death of a dad, grandparent, or close friend. She may struggle behaviorally and emotionally after a move to a new city where she finds herself without friends, and, in her mind, without hope. Your motherly instinct to nurture and guide her through tough times is vital.
Or your girl may face something more dire. This generation has seen increasing teen anxiety, loneliness, and depression. Too many young girls struggle with suicidal ideation, an eating disorder, or a proclivity to self-harm through cutting or by some other means. It's serious stuff.
If you are experiencing that with one of your children, I feel you. We lived it with one of our daughters. The suicidal depression lasted three long, painful years. What I can tell you is to seek appropriate help, pray all the time, and never, ever, ever give up on her. Your constancy can make all the difference. Also, don't go it alone. A good Christian counselor can be a lifesaver – literally. If you need help finding someone in your area, Focus on the Family offers a Christian Counselors Network where you can search for a professional therapist near you. 2 A link to that service can be found at the end of this post. Don't forget to consider some counseling support for yourself, as well.
My sweet girl, now grown, survived that long ordeal and would tell you that she appreciates that I refused to give up even though she had, and that I always told her the truth. My handling of that rough time was far from perfect, and ultimately, we thank God for the outcome.
Tip # 7 Give Her Your Faith (Even if it Doesn't Seem to be Working)
When I was a little girl, about 8 years old, living with my military family just outside of New Orleans, I had been having nightmares. I remember standing beside my mom and dad's bed, staring at my mom until she woke up. (A little creepy, I know, but that is how I rolled at that age). She would always rouse (I was a very effective starer) – and she would tell me that when a nightmare came, I should pray to Jesus. That memory is imprinted on me because I discovered God is real through that exercise.
Then, as a distracted and prickly high schooler, I remember my mom making my brother and me sit at the breakfast table and listen to her read a devotion from a little booklet. I don't recall anything meaningful about that – and our teenage demeanor probably made her wonder if it did any good at all to walk through that morning ritual with no discernible response. Trust me, she got nothing out of it – maybe an eye-roll here and there.
Now I look back at my faithful mom's unrewarded efforts as pivotal to my faith. I couldn't have cared less about those devotions during my teen years, but something about her tenacious belief and willingness to make it a discipline in our family laid a foundation that changed my life – and now impacts my own daughters.
How will your girls learn about God through your life? Going to church? Reading the Bible? Teaching them to lean into prayer in the tough moments, or through your love for others? They will learn so much from your own authentic faith journey.
Tip # 8 Never Give Up
The most important tip, stated in different ways throughout this post, is our final message:
Do. Not. Give. Up.
Your girl-mom journey may be easy (ish) or filled with turbulence. Whether you are holding hands while watching fireworks or struggling through an argument about your girl's clothing choice, or even if you find yourself shell-shocked by her pronouncement that she identifies as gay. You mustn't lose hope.
Knowing that you are there for her after all the drama is crucial. You don't have to condone bad or sinful behavior, but be there when the smoke clears. She will need you more than ever then, so, if possible, don't burn bridges in the pain of hard times.
Being a parent, whether you have boys or girls, is a sacrificial joy that we would never want to miss. We can think of a million things that can go wrong. Still, they don't compare to the bliss of holding that little pink-wrapped bundle on the day she was born, or the laughter in seeing her play pilgrim #3 in the Thanksgiving play. We tear up as she crosses the stage at graduation, feeling her accomplishment as if it is our own, because in many ways it is.
Our nation needs strong, capable, faith-filled, patriotic, compassionate, courageous, and loving young women to champion America's families, liberty, and future. Mama, if you are raising one or more girls, you are the molder of that bright hope.
Podcast Note: We were encouraged to sit down with Patti Garibay, founder of American Heritage Girls, for a powerful conversation about raising girls in today's challenging cultural climate. Patti shares the heart behind AHG and the effort to help girls develop faith, confidence, and character, to become strong, grounded, and ready to shine in a world that often pulls them in the opposite direction.
